Last night, like many of the nights before, I got the baby
ready for bed, fed him and laid him down for the night…althewhile my 9 year old
son was downstairs keeping himself busy without complaint. Having been exhausted from many nights of
interrupted sleep and fighting off a sore throat and impending illness, instead
of going back downstairs I laid in bed for about 30 minutes to rest. I felt selfish. Thoughts of how I wasn’t paying attention to
him, just because he wasn’t complaining, went through my mind. How it wasn’t really ''fair." 10 minutes in, he came up the steps and asked
if I was coming back down…I said no, that I REALLY just needed to rest. I could tell he was disappointed by the look that
appeared on his face for a split second, before it disappeared and he said, “Okay.” He left me to my solace.
When it was time for him to go to bed, I called down for him
to brush his teeth. He did it without complaint. He then got changed and laid in bed with a
book (like he always does while I take a bath).
I ran the tub, immersed myself in it and took in the warmth. After about 30 minutes, I pulled the plug and
let the water drain. Dried myself off
and looked down the hall, his light had been turned out. I thought he’d called it a night when I
faintly heard, “Mom, wanna come snuggle?”
How could I not? I held him in my arms knowing this kind of moment doesn’t last forever
and probably would be few and far between in years to come. I snapped a photo with my phone, knowing it
wouldn’t come out “perfect,” that didn't matter. It was a memory, just the same that needed to be captured.
I’ll never forget last night, there will always be this
treasure. It was a nice reminder that even when (to me) it felt like
I was being a selfish mom, I wasn’t. It
really is about the collective time, not the singular moments and kids remember
that…they really do.
